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HOW TO AVOID BEING THE "BOAT GUEST FROM HELL"
by Marc Malkin

Having owned several boats, I can tell you that most of the time, it's fun to have a friend or acquaintance join you aboard your craft for some "pleasure" cruising or fishing. That is, unless the person you invite aboard turns out to be the "boat guest from hell." There are those occasions when you head out of the harbor looking forward to some enjoyable company out on the water, only to return at the end of the day vowing "I'll never let that guy set foot on this boat again." So, what makes the difference? Here are some pointers that will help you earn repeat guest status instead of a place on someone's "boating black list."

Rule number one is to show up at the docks on time. If the owner of the boat asks you to be at the launch site at 5 a.m. for a fishing trip, be there on time, or better yet, early. My friend Jim Hendricks, a veteran boat owner, has what he calls "the 15 minute rule." He'll wait up to 15 minutes past the scheduled launch time. After that, the boat will depart - with or without you! He warns each of his guests about this the night before, so there are no excuses. If you miss the boat, it's no one's fault except your own.

But let's say you arrive on time, what can you do to start things off on the right foot? If the boat you'll be fishing on is a trailer boat, offer to help with the launching process. While some boat owners prefer to handle this procedure all by themselves, most will welcome your help in some shape and form. Whether it's helping to back the boat down the ramp, putting the rods in the rod holders, or loading tackle boxes or ice chests on board, try to make yourself useful instead of standing there like dead weight.

If you tend to get seasick, take some Dramamine before you step aboard the boat. Having to turn back halfway to the fishing grounds because a guest is "chumming" prematurely is a real bummer for the boat owner and anyone else on board. It's no fun for you either.

Let's say you avoid these pitfalls and you are now on the way to the boat owner's secret fishing hot spot. You've been helpful at the docks, your stomach feels fine, and you're ready for action. As you arrive at the spot, you start craving a cigarette, so you begin to reach into your pocket for that pack of Marlboros. Stop right there! I know a lot of boat owners that prefer that their guests refrain from smoking on board, not only for safety reasons, but also because they want to enjoy the fresh sea air without breathing in second-hand smoke all day. For these reasons and for your own personal health, don't assume you can smoke when you're a guest on someone else's boat, unless you have the boat owner's permission to do so.

If you'll be anchoring up when you arrive at your destination, offer to provide some help with dropping and setting the anchor. If the skipper is metering around to find or working to position the boat properly, he'll need your assistance.

Finally, it's time to fish. Be sure to rush right over to the prime spot on the stern - that place where the boat owner loves to fish. That's right, hog it all to yourself, and don't forget to cast over the his line too. Wait a minute, just kidding! It's a good idea to let the skipper claim his favorite fishing spot on the boat and then choose an available spot for yourself. Although you're the guest, don't assume the entire trip is all about you. Leave as much space as possible between you and other anglers, and be conscious of where you casting and where your line is at all times to avoid tangle-ups.

If the boat owner hooks up first, and it’s a good-size fish, ask him if he needs your help with the gaff. He would certainly do the same for you. When the action slows down, if you notice the deck is wet, slippery or bloody, offer a little maintenance help. Treat the boat as if it were your own, grab a scrub brush or the wash-down hose and clean up a little bit in between bites. You’ll score major points with the boat owner and feel like a “good guy” too.

The day progresses, the marine layer gives way to sunny skies, and you begin to heat up. You reach for that case of ice cold beer stowed away in your cooler. Down goes one can, then another, then another. Before you know it, you’ve managed to transform yourself from a personable and helpful boat guest into an obnoxious drunk. While it’s fine for adults to have a beer or two while out on the water, don’t go overboard, especially if there are others onboard trying to do some serious fishing.

If you are having one of those fishing days where you just can’t miss, and you’re seriously “outfishing” your host, be sure to remain humble about it. Although the boat owner will be pleased that you’re catching fish and having a good time, he won’t appreciate unabashed boasting and bragging, especially if he isn’t experiencing as much luck or has lost a few nice fish. Whatever you do, don’t “heckle” the boat owner about his performance or imply that you are a better angler than he is. After all, he’s the one who invited you out and put you on the fish. Maintain your humility at all times, and compliment other anglers on a job well done when they land nice fish. Unless you are involved in a tournament, fishing is not meant to be a competitive sport between anglers. It’s a contest between you and the fish. Keep this in mind and be a “good sport,” whether you are on someone else’s boat or your own.

When the day is done, remember to offer some help with the fish cleaning. While some boat owners like to handle this themselves, you should ask at the very least. If you happened to end up with more fish than others on board, you should consider sharing your catch with those on board that were not as lucky, including the boat owner. Again, remember to offer your help with the docking process and/or putting the boat back on the trailer. When you’re back on dry land, don’t just assume the day is done, grab your fish, gear and supplies and take off. Always remember to pitch in with the cleaning of the boat. Leaving this task up to the boat owner is not only selfish and thoughtless, it’s a guaranteed way of ensuring you’ll never be invited out again. After doing your part to clean up the boat, flush the engine and perform other necessary post-trip tasks, be sure to offer to share the expenses for fuel and bait (if you haven’t already done so).

Most importantly, don’t forget to thank the boat owner for having you out on his boat – even if the fish chose not to cooperate. If you happen to own a boat as well, be sure to return the favor and ask him to fish with you sometime.

Of course, nobody expects you to be a saint out there. You’re going to slip up every once and a while - it’s human nature. However, keeping these basic guidelines in mind will go a long way in helping you maintain your “good boating guest” status.